Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! oi! oi! oi!

with the olympic games coming up there is bound to be a lot of competition between aussies, americans, canadians and brits.. heres a thing i found on some internet site summing up all three countries..

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for pommies when abroad.

Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad

Brits: Can’t possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Australians: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe you should look out for people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe you should look-out for and take care of yourself.

Canadians: Believe that’s the government’s job.

Australians: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag waving, anthem singing, and extremely patriotic to the point of blindness.

Canadians: Can’t agree to the words of their anthem when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend all their time glued to the idiot box.

Canadians: Don’t because they can’t get more American programs.

Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.

Australians: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.

Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice in baseball.

Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.

Australians: Will jabber on incessantly about they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it “English”.

Brits: Pronounce their words different but still call it “English”.

Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like the Americans

Australians: Add “G’day”, “mate” and a heavy accent in an attempt to be cool.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Australians: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Canadians: Cross the border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Cross the border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, bad tasting beer.

Canadians: Drink strong, bad tasting beer.

Brits: Drink warm, bad tasting beer.

Australians: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think poverty and failure are morally suspect.

Canadians: Seem to think wealth and success are morally suspect.

Brits: Seem to think that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things

Australians: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

 

FuN ThINgs To dO in An eXAm :P

 

With half yearly exams over I got thinking of some fun things to do in an exam. I also got some of this website http://www.jokesandhumor.com/jokes/212.html and wanted to share them with you.

·         Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!!”

·         Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor’s left nostril.

·         Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m SOOO sure you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

·         Bring a support crew like of the NO, Gary, NO adds.

·         Bring a Nintendo DS . Play with the volume at max level.

·         On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

·         Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the country” and run off.

·         Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

·         Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

·         Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, “the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!”

·         Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling “I’m here, the phantom of the opera” until they drag you away.

·         Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say “you don’t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!”

·         When you have finished the paper start marking it in red ink.

·         Bring a large, cumbersome and ugly idol. Pray to it often. Make a small sacrifice to it.

why snowboarders should stay off the mountain – in the eyes of a skier

- When you come flying down the mountain so you don’t have to start skating when you get to annoying flat bit, only to find a bunch of boarders are hoping along and flailing their arms as if trying to gain momentum and get in your way forcing you to decide between

a. Start to play ten pin bowling and knock down as many borders as you can before skating away because you know they cant catch you unless they take of their board which already gives you a 15 second head start.

b. Dodge them all but keep your pace and as you whoosh past have boarders scream obscenities at you.

c.  Slow down to a skate, which is the complete opposite of what you wanted in the first place just to be nice to the poor boarders.

- After getting off a lift boarders like to plonk themselves down straight in front of the unload area to do up your bindings and cause a traffic jam which can be highly annoying.

- Borders act like they are kings of the mountain when in reality us skiers have stocks which we can beat you up with before skiing away before borders can even stop too think.

- When boarders sit on chairlifts their boards feel the need to sit horizontally and cut across the person next to them’s ski’s/board which can be very frustration and scratch the other persons ski’s/ board.

…hence forth skiers win….end of story

 

Are you sponsoring for the 40 hour famine?

Hi all,
this year I’m going to do the World Vision 40 Hour Famine in August.

I’ll be going without food for 40 hours to raise money to help give kids in India their basic human rights and free them from child labour, trafficking and slavery.
did you know??

-Just $40 will help 8 children for a whole month and imagine how many kids we could help with more!

- some kids work up to 17 hours a day in sweatshops and factories for only 15cents australian a day

Could you please support me by giving a donation?
If you can, simply visit the World Vision 40 Hour Famine website (http://www.40hourfamine.com.au) and click on Donate Now.

Donations are tax deductible and the minimum amount is $2.  You will receive a receipt as soon as you’ve made the donation. When the donation form asks you for the Famine Number, please enter 28058696-7.

This makes sure that the donation is recorded against my name and that I’m sent a record of your donation.

You can also go directly to the donate screen by clicking here https://famine.worldvision.com.au/famine.cgi?a=SPONSOR_&pn=28058696-7